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Remember these points if you’re divorcing a narcissist

On Behalf of | Oct 1, 2020 | Uncategorized |

Working through everything that comes with a divorce can be a challenge, but it usually isn’t impossible. Even in the best of circumstances, there are likely going to be at least a few points that are contentious. If your ex is a narcissist, those issues may delay the divorce considerably.

A person who is narcissistic isn’t able to compromise. They can’t accept anything other than what they want, so it’s usually not possible to go through mediation. This is why the divorce is delayed — you have to wait for a court date to have a trial, and that might take a while.

Anyone who is ending a marriage to a person who has narcissism should prepare for some specific things to happen. Knowing these ahead of time may help you to plan for them.

  • Your ex is going to try to get you angry. Narcissists gain power from the reactions to their antics.
  • Your ex might lie about you, situations related to the divorce or other events. The goal is to make you look horrible while making them look better.
  • Your ex likely doesn’t have any ability to think about their emotional losses. They just look at the here and now to determine how they’re impacted.
  • Your ex will probably think they are hurting you to drag on the divorce. They know you want to get it over with and enjoy thinking they control the situation.
  • Your ex wants you to give up and give them their way. They don’t want you to negotiate at all.
  • Your ex might think they’re controlling your finances by trying to make the divorce last as long as possible.

There are several ways that you might be able to combat what your ex is doing. You may not need all of these but it’s a good idea to remember them just in case you have to put the information to use.

  • Keep your emotions in check, especially when you’re around your ex. This prevents them from gaining the power they’re seeking.
  • Hold on to any documentation you have or receive. This can help you to combat the lies the narcissist is going to spread.
  • Shore up your finances as much as possible to combat the increase in costs due to delaying the legal end of the marriage and possibly going through a divorce trial.
  • Talk to your children to find out how they’re handling the split. Having a narcissistic parent can be rough, so you’ll need to provide emotional support.

Your attorney can be a great help in these cases. You can funnel all communication through them, which creates a barrier between you and your ex. Just be sure to let your attorney know of the situation early in the divorce so they can handle things accordingly.


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John T. Chamberlin, Attorney at Law
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