In California, divorce is understandably perceived as a contentious issue. Many cases turn into a dispute over every issue including property, support, and child custody and visitation. Many people do not think the gap can be bridged to reach a negotiated settlement.
However, there are myriad benefits of divorce mediation. It can save time, money, and keep the relationship reasonably friendly so the sides can move on with their lives and no longer worry about the lingering disagreements from their divorce cropping up repeatedly. Still, it is important to be fully prepared for divorce mediation.
Adequate preparation for divorce mediation should cover all the bases. That encompasses finances, children, property division, emotional preparation, communicating, goal setting, and legal assistance. Doing the following will help with laying the foundation for the mediation process:
- Gather financial documents: Finances are a frequent sticking point in any divorce, so when negotiating a settlement with a mediator, it is useful to have all the financial documents prepared and ready to show earnings, taxes, the employment situation, contracts, and more. Bringing bank information, credit card statements, mortgage documents, loans, retirement accounts, insurance, and detailing everything that was owned or accrued before and after the marriage.
- Identify goals: Not everyone is entirely sure of what they want from their divorce. The end of the marriage can be so overwhelming that they have not considered what they hope to achieve. This can be difficult while the divorce is in progress, but since the mediation is meant to be a negotiating session, it can be easier to express goals in a non-confrontational atmosphere with a professional mediator who knows how to forge solutions.
- Think about the kids: Kids can be caught in the middle of a divorce, so it is best to keep them and their needs at the forefront. Perhaps one parent has built a stronger bond with a child because they were the primary caregiver and that parent has more time to dedicate to the child’s needs. While the other parent might want custody, the mediation sessions can show how it is preferable for the child to maintain as much of a consistent routine as possible. While there is an undeniable temptation to try and maximize time with the child, their needs must take precedence. Pausing and thinking about the kids can make it better for everyone and is a very valuable part of mediation.
- List all assets and debts: There should be proof of how much money is coming in and how much going out. This gives the mediator a guideline on dealing with finances. If one person earned more than the other or was the primary breadwinner, then this will impact spousal maintenance as well as child support. Those with a mortgage, auto payments, credit card bills and other debts must show what they are paying. They must also bring pay stubs and their investment portfolios.
- Be prepared emotionally: The emotional impact of a divorce is one of the more difficult obstacles to get beyond. It is vital to remember that mediation is meant to keep conflict to a minimum. It is not meant to be adversarial. The parties are there because they think they can resolve their issues.
- Understand the value of communication: Communication breakdown is often a precursor for a divorce. People should not bring that into mediation. Being open and honest can give the other person a perspective that might not have had before and even create avenues of negotiation.
- Think about the objectives from mediation: Simply going into mediation without knowing why can hinder its effectiveness. People use mediation because they believe they can settle any ongoing disputes, and they want to avoid the time and cost that accompanies going to court. Instead of thinking of this as part of the divorce proceeding, it can be beneficial to think of it a friendly negotiation.
- Have legal guidance: This is a step that people should not ignore. A mediation can be amicable, private, safe, and effective. When thinking about mediation, having professional assistance that is experienced with alternative dispute resolutions like mediation should be a priority.
