When Pleasanton parents divorce, the most important thing to keep in mind is the best interests of the children, which is the goal of the California family courts.
Under most circumstances, the courts prefer shared parenting. This can often be achieved with mediation and collaborative divorce. Clients find mutual accord privately without their business becoming part of California's public records. It usually winds up being significantly cheaper, as well.
Honesty and open communication is essential for shared parenting agreements. One parent can't agree to withhold certain information from the other in order to curry favor with the child (or any other reason). If the relationship still is a bit rocky, parents may choose to only communicate electronically and keep it focused on the children.
Even the most well-crafted parenting agreement can't anticipate every possible scenario you and your ex will encounter. That's why a certain amount of flexibility and willingness to compromise is necessary if you want this to work out.
Remember, too, that your ex might need to switch weekends with you this time, but next time it might be you who needs to alter the schedule to accommodate your own situation.
Shared custody is generally easier on the kids, because they maintain roughly equal access to both of their parents. Once they get old enough, tweens and teens can express their own preference for their living arrangements.
Parents shouldn't take it personally when older kids choose to live with their other parent. Unless it's due to a lack of rules or structure at your ex's home, it's most likely more convenient for your teen to manage extracurricular activities and remain close to neighborhood friends or even a favorite date.
You can probably cite numerous examples of things that your ex did or does that drove you crazy, and vice versa. No divorced person can continue to try to exert control over their ex-spouse. But if an ex engages in unsafe or illegal activities that endanger the children, it can be reasonable to insert a clause in the parenting plan forbidding same whenever the kids are with him or her.
Parenting plans can be as detailed or as open-ended as agreed-upon by the parties and approved by the court. You and your family law attorney can hash out the best plan to reflect the needs of your family.